Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Playing it "Cool" VERSUS becoming a "Door Matt."

   There is a fine line between playing it "cool"  and allowing men to take the upper hand in an abusive fashion.  Setting a standard at the beginning of any relationship is essential when discovering a potential love interest.   In the dating world holding yourself to a high standard will not only let the other person know what you deserve, but will eliminate the drama out of a questionable situation.  Don't be "shocked"  by mixed signals, rather take your power back and control things in a dignified manner.
  In a perfect world, boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, they date, get married and have a family.  No longer conforming to society, single men and women are beginning to define who they are and what they want out of life regardless of being in a relationship.  This nontraditional standard leaves a lot of room for interpretation.  The rules, when it comes to dating, no longer apply and more then ever, living up to your expectations for yourself are critical.  It sets the tone for how you take care of your body, heart and soul and how men will ultimately treat you.  There is no more time nor room, no matter how much you desire to be in a relationship, for anyone to cross a line where your needs are not met. 
  Winning no longer is defined as getting the "boyfriend" but how you took care of yourself at the end of the day.  Unreturned texts, delayed phone calls and cancelled dates are NOT acceptable.   If playing it "cool" no longer feels "cool," close the door and another is sure to open!  XO XO XO

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

"Gay Dating Challenges Parallel Straight Dating Challenges."

  Hi, my name is T.J.  I have known Orli for almost a decade now and I consider her one of my best friends.  I can't help but to feel that we have so much in common when it comes to dating even though Orli is a straight female and I am a gay male.  Many times the stories seem to relate, just the genders and same sex dynamics are different.   I wanted to add my perspective as a gay male dating in today’s world.   Looking for a partner, gay or straight, there is the “GOOD”, the “BAD” and the “IN-BETWEEN!” I am contributing to Orli’s blog to shed light on the dating struggles gay men face on a daily basis.   NYC is a tuff place to meet men whether you are gay or straight. 
  When I "came out,"  very late I might add, I thought the dating world would be my oyster. Here I am this young, in shape, masculine, athletic, smart guy and it would be a piece of cake finding someone.  Well boy, was I wrong!  So what did I do? I internalized it and kept saying, "What's wrong with me?”
  I have met numerous men and gone on many dates in the past ten years. Gay guys have endless issues too. Some are self loathing homosexuals. Some are in the closet petrified the door will open. Some are married to women and don't tell you till the 5th or 6th date. That one is always a “doozy.”   "Oh by the way, I have a wife and 3 kids, hope you are OK with that," is the typical response I get from a married guy looking for gay companionship.   Drug problems, alcoholism, HIV positive or "status" unknown! These are other hidden demons that don't come out till around the 4th or 5th dates. It almost seems like as gay men we feel such deep seeded guilt about who we are that we find different ways to abuse ourselves physically, emotionally or mentally.
  It was only after my recent birthday party that I came to a realization. I had been on a few dates with a great (or so I thought) guy. He seemed to have so much promise.  He was a young and handsome doctor. He seemed really into me. I said to myself, “OK, let me invite this guy to my birthday party to meet my friends.”   Well the night went awesome.  However, I never heard from that guy again after that night. No return texts, phone calls or explanations!
  Puzzled????? Damn right!
  I have decided the best thing is to put 100 percent of yourself into your true friends, family and those that truly love you. When the right person comes along, it will happen. Until that time comes, I will not beat myself up. Not everything is always your fault. "To thine own self be true!"
Straight, gay, male or female all face the same challenges while dating in NYC.   Hang in there!  Things happen for a reason! :-)

Sunday, November 7, 2010

"Networking" instead of "Hunting," can have a positive impact on cultivating your social life. Be open to the every POSSIBILITY. Explore every OPPORTUNITY.

Women, Free Yourself from Desperation. Stop THINKING like a Lady and ACTING like a Man.

1995

Hi, I'm JAM.  How intriguing it is, 16 years after meeting my first and forever love, one of the most beautiful women I will ever meet in my life (jogging); that I am here writing a post on her relationship blog in 2010.
 
Seeing this picture brings me back to a simpler time when I focused on love with some reckless abandon. I loved those days, traveling 600 miles each way to visit Orli for the weekend at school. When the weekend ended, I often turned my car around after traveling 50 miles or more, because I just didn’t want to leave her. It was love. 

I’m a lifestyle entrepreneur. I run some of the leading energy, nutrition and fitness lifestyle sites on the Internet, with a big focus on helping people juice up their lives, quality and level of success, by nothing less than thinking and living better. I got into this career by teaching my own struggle.

Today I am single and writing this post with this title in particular, because of the costs of desperation, a story revealed in my recent book, The Curse of the Capable which a Harvard Psychologist asked me to write with him, along with a Superbowl MVP. There you can read my story, but right now I am focused on yours, as a woman.

I thought I would share some of my relationship experience so you ladies will take back your feminine essence, give up on being desperate and indirectly, inspire men, like me, to be even better men.


First of all, it doesn’t matter what gender or what area of life we are speaking of, coming from a place of desperation never ends the way you want it. I know this and so do you, don’t you? In the area of relationships, this couldn’t be truer. In my personal experience this is of extreme significance, especially if you are a woman seeking a relationship in 2010…

I am a formally married man, an “X” in part, because I fell-prey to a desperate woman who felt her “clock” was ticking and who defined herself much by whether or not she had a man. There were other circumstances, like her need for a green card, my need to rescue her to feel better and low grade desperation that I too embodied for other reasons; but nonetheless, desperation, in whatever form it exists is a short cut to a relationship gone badly.
 
My “X” wife was a wonderful and beautiful woman, a good person. But as I said, desperation can and will likely short circuit ANY relationship because it just won’t develop right.

When it comes to relationships most men are not desperate; there are supposedly way more women than men on this planet and I bet that’s true in NYC too. Match.com… have put thousands of attractive women at our finger tips (which is about the most unnatural and confusing thing EVER, but that’s another blog post), and the desire to get married has seriously waned in the past 10-15 years. It seems we’re all getting married later. The question is why?

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that most men (and women for that matter) are working harder than ever, yet unlike most women, we men define ourselves by our ability to “provide” and do that well. We are mission driven, and today, in the most competitive, often marginalizing, environment the world has ever known, it’s more challenging than ever to live our mission especially when a man is not yet clear on it. It's at the heart of being a man. 

Chances are, there are fewer men who are capable of delivering “the good life” we perceive most women want, but dammit we want to provide it, and that’s a big reason why our attention is mostly on work. We simply want to provide in the best way we can with someone we get into relationship with at the right time in our lives. Yeah, maybe it’s after we’ve sown our oats, but I think it’s when we feel we can thrive in a committed relationship with the right woman.  

Women, on the other hand, who are pressed by that biological clock and worried about losing their “girl”, are also in a difficult position. The maternal drive and the ever-present desire for romantic love (I realize this is a generalization about women) in a world where both genders are now in the masculine (work) mode most of the day, has got to be seriously tough on any woman looking for that balance between love, family, support, and a career. In truth this is mutual for both men and women, but the clock, and a story that defines you by whether you have a man in your life or not, can make a woman desperate.

The thing is, you can’t get desperate to get what you want; it rarely works!

At a basic level, men like to chase a woman, (it’s in our genes I think) so getting desperate sells you short on your single biggest point of attraction to men. We want to win you over, not the other way around. The minute you get desperate (not to imply you aren't going to be friendly or share your attraction) you give away your power and we don’t want it.


I'm talking about being too hot on the pursuit to the point where you're wondering his every move. When you give up your power to us, chances are really good it’s going to mean great sex, and then an ending.

As a woman, you are beautiful; revel in that and take care of yourself, your body, your heart and soul. And when and if you meet the right man in the right place in his life and he's attracted to you, you’ll know it. You won’t have to chase him down; he’ll chase you and let him.
 
I remember chasing Orli when I was 24, for 6 months, before she paid any attention to me other than acknowledging me while jogging on that destined day in 1995. Now she was several years younger than me, and amazingly, she had it right, right from the start. She was thinking like a lady and acting like one too. 

  
But today, many women are thinking like a lady and acting like a man, a play on comedian Steve’s Harveys', sort of shallow but revealing book “Act Like a Lady, Think like a Man”, and it is not the way (in my opinion) to the relationship you want.

Men are the prime pursuers in my experience, and most of us like it that way. We just don’t commit until we’re ready and today’s world of constant change, has admittedly made commitment more difficult. It’s a very complex world as you know.

When a woman starts pursuing a man because she’s desperate, especially when he is not “ready”, it is not going to end well. He will play you, especially if you don’t have at least a 90 day rule around the “benefits package”. ;-). There are exceptions to this rule, but it’s a good rule of thumb to make sure you actually have a relationship before you start acting like you’re in a full-fledged one.  

What do I mean by ready? I mean, financially solid, emotionally mature and stable with enough character to coalesce with the feminine in this crazy world we live in. These men aren’t exactly hanging out on every corner and it's your job to sort through until you find him and then, if he's attracted to you, let him work for you.
 
Now this is a short blog, and it’s likely I’ve opened up more doors than I’ve closed, but I am doing my best to open up a dialogue about the realities of developing relationships between men and women these days. Things have changed, and not always for the better, yet to get better, I think we need a return to certain things that just plain work.

I speak from reflective personal experience with women, and hearty conversations with many men who today are sharing their plight too. Yes, men have their own plight these days and it has a lot to do with women acting like men.

I have this strong feeling that many women are not feeling good; in a chivalrous sense... looked out for and protected and committed to the way they really want, while also not being treated like they are weak and feeble in need of being taken care of. Its clear women are very capable of taking care of themselves.  

But is that what you really want, even if you know you can, and do? I don’t think so. I think most women want a great relationship with man who can support the relationship for the most part. (read that again if you are a feminist, before you jump on me). As a man, I know we want a great relationship too, but how we look at relationships and develop one needs some return to days of old, even if the world is hearing you women “roar” like never before.
 
Here are my tips:

  • Free yourself from desperation.
  • Stop thinking like a lady and acting like a man when it comes to relationships.
  • Don’t give up your feminine essence so essential to being a woman and let a man come to you. And don’t compromise. You’re better off staying single and loving life than capturing an immature man, not ready for that commitment.
It’s a tough balance, for sure, but until women maintain their essence and give up acting like a man (like a hunter) in a desperate pursuit of a relationship, in today’s day and age with men, it’s going to stay tough.


Orli and I are friends today, but I can’t help but recognize her for the shift she’s making away from desperation and into one of being open for the right relationship at the right time, with the right man, and nothing less.
You can learn more about Orli's Transparent Thoughts on relationships at http://orliross.blogspot.com/ 

Friday, November 5, 2010

"Congratulations on your BLOG,"

  my client said to me the other day while I was in his office. I was elated!  To be recognized for something I am passionate about versus getting married or engaged is life changing for me.  Honestly, I never thought in a million years that I would ever hear the word "congratulations" unless I had finally found a boyfriend, husband, had a baby (or changed my relationship status on facebook :D).
  Just several months ago, as I walked into one of my offices I had no choice but to lie that I was engaged.  "Orli, I am so happy for you! You did it! You made your deadline," an office manager squealed  from behind the desk.  My surprise announcement would halt the endless list of questions about my personal life.  Then she glanced down at my hand.  "Where is your ring?" was her next remark.  I replied that more stones were being added at the jeweler because it simply was not big enough.  "I'll show you next time," I said.  I never went back to that office.   Being congratulated under false pretenses "didn't do it for me" and I most certainly didn't deserve that kind of treatment for being a single girl. 
  Being single is a "blessing in disguise" because you can really take the time to invest and indulge in your life's purpose.  Personally, this "blessing" will never replace finding a mate.  However, the slight shift to devote more time to "me" has brought a sense of balance, hope and control. 
  Choosing to celebrate your single status with what is inspiring to you,  releases the power to embrace your independent lifestyle.  The desperation to "squeeze" yourself into a relationship fades and a new life for you begins. The last time I checked, wedding dresses are not being sold out in the bridal salons.   For now,  I love writing my blog! XOXOXOXO.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

PRIVACY takes the pressure off your "Dating Life."

  Your friends are essential but sometimes we are our own worst enemies.  Dating is a delicate subject when you are dating and your affairs are your own business.  When it comes to new prospects,  telling your pals about that special someone increases the pressure on you and on your date consciously or subconsciously.   Here are two ways speaking too soon can influence your love life.
  You may or may not connect with this new person on a first date and having to explain the reasons as to why it didn't work out can become a frustrating experience.  However, if you keep it to yourself, you can move on calmly and not have to relive the "drama."  The next scenario is that you actually had a great time.  Terrific news!  On the other hand, if you tell your friends about this amazing person early on, the hassle to follow up could sabotage your new found relationship.  Privacy gives you the peace of mind to see where it goes at your own pace!
  Being able to share your life with your friends is a wonderful and beautiful thing.  However, considering that dating is a personal adventure, maybe holding back might serve you better in the long run.  Maintaining a quiet mind without outside influences helps you find your center when you are on your search for love.  Tell your friends about your new romance later!  I am quite sure they will understand and will still adore you! XOXOXO

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

"Mapping Out" the NYC social scene VERSUS "Hanging Out."

  As a single woman in NYC, more often the not, choosing a hot spot to socialize becomes a very tricky situation.  The ratio of men to women, timing and day of week is the  most "simple" way I can describe our "fascinating " social city.
 You want to make sure that the venue is appealing to men.  It has to be  an alluring location where if the crowd is not as charming as you thought,  you can hop, jump skip, RUN or cab it to the next best option!  
  Going out during the week is another aspect of enhancing your chances to meet captivating NYC locals and professionals.  NYC socialites choose the week days over the weekends.  However,  during the week, you don't want to waste your time.  The pressure to make the most out of your night can become very complicated.  Most likely you have work the next morning!
  Timing is one more thing to consider when deciding which location to commit to for the evening.  Is this place a happy hour bar or an after hours lounge?  If you go at the wrong time, you could potentially miss the opportunity to meet the "right" people.   
  "Hanging out" in this city is becoming more complex then what it should be.  At times, I'm even exhausted at the thought of planning a night out with my girls.   Being strategic in putting yourself in the right places has its advantages but then the fun disappears.  When the fun disappears your ability to be fun, open minded and appealing vanishes.  Not every night in NYC is going to be a life changing experience.    Don't get caught up in the " going out drama."  Once in a blue moon wouldn't "hanging out" be the healthiest option?

Monday, November 1, 2010

"Matchmaker Matchmaker I'm willing to Settle." A musical guide to Internet dating.

Nikki MacCallum makes her cabaret debut this season in a musical comedy about the cynical and skeptical world of Internet dating.   Nikki takes you step by step on the rules of Internet dating on one girl's quest to find a boy.  The song selection portrays the harsh realities of sifting through profiles, instant messaging and finding romance on various dating websites.  She sings "Dieter's Prayer" while eating a bucket of chicken wings from Boston Market and begs God for self-control so she can continue to look attractive for future men on the Internet. 
Clearly, these are different times  in our culture if a musical is being made to cast a light on the difficulties of meeting Mr. Right.  At the end of the show she commented that this was the most challenging role she ever had to play as an actress because it mimicked the experiences of her own dating life.  She did a wonderful job painting a woman's struggle to find love without compromising what she has to offer as a hip, smart young woman in today's world. 

Friday, October 29, 2010

The male perspective on "the naked truth behind Halloween."

R.R. "The NYC guy next door."

  The only night of the year when you can be “yourself” in costume, Halloween!  Men and women can lose their NYC inhibitions, insecurities and fear on a night when everyone is supposed to be someone else.  It is not “you” behaving in this seemingly inappropriate manner, it is part of your character in costume :).
  Is it a coincidence that almost every woman will be wearing a seductive version of “herself” and put on the most revealing and shocking outfits in NYC on the chilliest  weekend of October?   No, I find many women want to be more assertive and open.    Wearing a sexy outfit that enhances a women’s sexuality is empowering on this unpredictable night to a man.   Being in costume permits you see a handsome guy and feel comfortable playing the seductress that might be not as obvious on any other given day.   Confidence is one of the first attractive qualities I look for in a girl.  
  Leave the shy conservative facade at home and let loose!  Take this one night to stop speculating about the future and go with the flow.  Most importantly, be safe!  R.R.!

Introducing "NYC guy next door." The male perspective.

  Hello, my name is R.R.   I am writing these contributions to Orli’s blog so I can share my 13 years of experience living mostly as a single 36 year old man in NYC. 

  I grew up in a middle class family in suburban Philadelphia and attended prep school and the University of Texas on a football scholarship.  I moved to New York ready to compete and succeed in the greatest city in the world.  I attended Columbia University and NYU for grad school and started my own construction/real estate development firm in 2001. I love to travel, hang out with friends and try to live life to the fullest every day. 

  I still believe that NYC is the greatest city in the world and that every day brings new opportunities and adventures.  I also believe that every day brings the opportunity to meet the woman of my dreams and it sure is fun just figuring it out on my search for the "one."

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

"I need to find a man."

  Many single women in the city say this to themselves constantly on their search for love and acceptance from a boyfriend figure.  It is not only heartbreaking but is also infuriating to hear.  To need anything implies that if you don't have it, then you have nothing.  I know a lot of beautiful, independent and smart women in this city who simply don't give themselves the credit they deserve just because they haven't met the right person yet.  It is self-defeating and changing your story is vital. 
  What does changing the story mean?  Changing the story means that your life is "all good" all by its self.  Changing the story says, "No, I have not met him yet. However, I will keep my life interesting and full and do the things that make me happy.  No, it's not what I pictured.  Yet, I am grateful for my life and it's exciting because you never know what could happen." 
  Remember this!  That it only takes one day and one person.  One day, no matter how long you've been on your own,  you will meet your match.  Having a negative attitude that you need to find that guy to complete your life will only transform you into your worst enemy.  Be happy and content because "the grass isn't always greener on the other side."  Just maybe if you take a step back and look at your world, you would see that it is pretty darn amazing. XOXOXOXO.  BE GOOD TO YOU!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Getting TOUGH without losing "the girl next door."

  Staying positive in a city where dating is "rough" can become a real challenge.  The city breeds different types of "available" bachelors.  The men in their twenties are typically too young to settle down.  The guys in their thirties seem to be making the decision to stay single, have the "pick of the litter" while exploring every option, and remain focused on their careers.  The men in their forties, in some cases, become so adjusted to their single status that the thought of having a family and a relationship becomes a distant memory.  In the mix of these guys,  are the men who are divorced who may or may not have children.  These men may or may not want to dive into a relationship.  On a past date a man in his forties vocalized, "I would rather retire, play golf everyday and enjoy my life.  My life feels good to me.  It makes sense.  A girlfriend would be nice."  My response? Dead silence.  I smiled and continued eating my dinner.  I had no idea how to translate what he way saying.
  These are different times and the choice to remain single for women and men is becoming a popular way of life.  However, you will find that more women then men do want to settle down.  How do the women that do want a relationship and children survive in a city that promotes single behavior? 
  Never forget, regardless of your experiences, that there are men that do want a genuine relationship.  The guys in NYC want to know that you are independent, self-sufficient and have "your own life."  Still, I believe that they also like the sweeter, softer side that  promotes the possibility of a relationship.  That delicate side takes the edge off the cynicism. 
  Together, the ability to assert your independence while still remaining hopeful for a future relationship is a very sexy and appealing combination.  You don't have to hide "the girl next door," just save that girl for the men who actually deserve her!

"I'll compromise but I will never settle." Orli Ross

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The dish on my 'Nightline' stunt.

JuJu Chang from 'Nightline' thanked me for my transparency while filming.  I saw this as a very unique quality and inspired my blog,  "Transparent Thoughts NYC."   Thanks JuJu!


    Over a year ago I met Susan Rose and Jennifer Heller through a client.  They run an elite matchmaking service (called Rose and Heller Inc. Matchmaking Service).  It's very pricey and they claim (as most matchmakers do) to know what type of man you need and what you should be doing to attract him. 
  At this point in my life, I was very excited about the opportunity to get on television (especially a program like 'Nightline') and portray my personality while showing off my skills as an "expert dater."  I was offered a deal of a lifetime to sign up with this service and I was delighted to have the opportunity to not only be on TV but to work with women in the matchmaking business who are the experts on men and dating. 
  If they had approached me today, I never would have accepted this offer.  I have made so many personal strides that I can truly say, without a doubt, that I am not the same person.  When I look back at the segment, I see a woman who was a compulsive dater, a people pleaser and actually a little sad.  I felt that if I didn't have a date lined up for the week, that I would fail to find a partner.  I believed the matchmakers when they told me I needed to "tone down" (in character and style)  to make myself more attractive to potential bachelors.  Matchmakers will sometimes find a weakness and play on that insecurity to get you to settle for someone who may not be right for you.
   To top it off, when you're not in touch with your inner-strength, sadness and confusion as to who you are and who you should be comes forth in everything you do and say.  In fact, right after I completed the six weeks of filming, my right eye actually began to twitch because I became so nervous and neurotic!  This was a turning point for me in my personal life.  I realized I really did need to "chill" and get back in touch with who I was as a person and what I had to offer to not only potential mates but to the important people who surround me in my life on a daily basis.  Creating  a strong foundation within yourself and being your own best friend and cheerleader makes a big difference in how you identify with people and the world around you. 
  I wouldn't be the same today had I not driven myself completely nuts and had not met these two "fabulous" women.  These matchmakers believed in changing me first to meet the right guy.  Their "skillful" approach was demeaning.  I never needed to change.  I have always been fun, dynamic and attractive with a terrific sense of style and grace.  I just had to grow up and give myself a little more credit!

Friday, October 22, 2010

When your younger sister gets married before you.



   Movies have been made surrounding this topic because it hits home to many women in today's world.  In the movie "27 Dresses," Katherine Heigl unravels at her sister's engagement party.  It was quite a scene watching her conduct herself amongst family and friends. A nosey guest says, "How does it feel now that your younger sister is getting married before you?"  Heigl answers, "I get to have hot hate sex with random strangers.  Enjoy the party!"   Heigl's famous quote reflects her desire to get married and she states "One day, one day it will be my turn," and it is nothing short of heart wrenching. 
 Yes, my younger sister did get married before me and my baby sister will most likely get engaged within the year.  I am the eldest of three sisters and I grew up in a traditional family.  When siblings are married out of order, the family dynamics change.  It can be challenging to feel "secure" and "normal," so to speak, because it's not customary and it's certainly not how you pictured it when you were little. 
  The most important thing to realize is that it's not a competition.  At the end of the day we all have our own individual paths and things happen for a reason, whether or not it makes sense at that exact moment. 
  I have a beautiful niece now that I love to death.  It's a wonderful feeling when you can embrace your destiny and be genuinely happy for the people in your life.  I couldn't wish my sisters more success, love and happiness in their lives.  Someday, one day,  it will be my turn!

"Cigar Bars," an untapped hidden treasure in NYC?

  If you can withstand the smoke, cigar bars are filled with eligible bachelors.  The "Cigar Inn" on the east side with its homey and loungey atmosphere, is a relaxed and enjoyable place to socialize with guys.  The men feel in their element in these smokey lounges. This just might give you the opportunity to connect with the men that frequent these places while just hanging out with friends or during their casual business meetings.  Showing that you can just "be" and hang with the boys is a real advantage.  In a city where women outnumber the men, this is a novel idea.  The ratio of men are far greater then women at this type of bar.
  Could the "cigar bar" be another alternative to a noisy and packed sports bar?   Yo Patti! Steakhouses and upscale restaurants aren't the only places to find available men in NYC.  You might want to reconsider your strategy and I'll reconsider mine!

10 Things Patti Stanger Needs To Know About Men In New York City

  1. Even the schlubbiest mook here thinks he’s supermodel-worthy.
  2. They actually appreciate women with curly hair. Ethnicity rules here. Lay off the flat iron business.
  3. No matter how rich they may be, don’t assume that they intend to pay for anything! You’ll have to tell them.
  4. They’re much harder to “shout into submission” than L.A. guys. If you push too hard, they’ll walk away and they won’t look back.
  5. Their careers really do come first. They won’t have time for the mixer; they won’t have time for you; they won’t have time for us.
  6. While L.A. guys may settle for a dumb, model type, NY dudes are expecting a model type who is also a Mensa member.
  7. They have attention spans that make a 5-year-old’s look impressive.
  8. The best specimens are the ones who just moved here from somewhere else.
  9. Jewish millionaires may be excited about finding a shiksa girlfriend, but their parents most definitely will not be.
  10. Most guys under 40 see no need to settle down because there are so many options. NYC is a buffet of hot, smart women. Aim for an older clientele!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

"The world is a kinder place, when you're a happy person. The world is a happier place, when you're a kinder person." Orli Ross

Kissing on a first date is a given. "Says who?"


 This past summer I was set up on a blind date from one of my clients.  My date was with a religious guy which I was very hesitant about because I am not a religious person.  However, being open-minded to the possibilities, I accepted the date.  I felt a sense of relief when I arrived at the apartment rooftop because being that he was religious, I felt secure in the fact I wouldn't be put in a compromising situation.  The date was ending and he attempted the "grand finale, end of the date, first kiss."  I was shocked because I had not expected that this guy would even try for that kiss.  Be as it may, he did, and I said,  "Whoa! I thought I was safe here.  I thought you were religious."  "Orli, I'm religious but religious people kiss," he said. I gave him a peck on the lips to keep him at bay but that was not enough for this guy.  He said, "A real kiss lasts for five seconds or more."  Just to prove a point I put my lips against his and counted to five out loud.  "There, I did it!"  I said.  He walked me to the cab and as you could imagine , we never saw each other again, although he did call for a second date.
   It amazes me that kisses on a first date have become a given to the point of meaningless.  I understand,  it's the moment in the evening where you give it a try to see if you're compatible.  But, if you try too soon (in certain situations), you could be sabotaging yourself.  Having patience, especially when it comes to the physical stuff,  is what the dating world won't tolerate today.  So sad that the intimacy of kissing has fallen by the wayside. Considering just a two hour date and a friendly kiss on the cheek is not as realistic as you would think.  Physical attraction is one of the most important components of a first date.   However, wouldn't it be nice if a kiss actually meant what it should mean?





Wednesday, October 20, 2010

"I used to think the word "single" was a dirty word. It's only a marital status."

'Tangled' Up in the Fairy Tale.

  Have you ever gone on a date where you had the most fantastic time and then the man just disappears?  You're shocked because you are absolutely certain that this date "rocked" and if you had a super time then he must have had the same experience.  Right? Wrong!
  In certain situations, especially on a first date, you don't know the other person and it's very hard to gauge where the other person is coming from.  Getting swept away and fantasizing is not a great approach to a first date because it's not "real" yet and it is not a developed relationship.  There is a big difference between being optimistic and hopeful and dreaming of an unrealistic future.  I'm not insinuating that you should be cynical because that is negative thinking.  Taking it for what it is, especially in the beginning is the only way to keep your feet on the ground. 
  I actually got the opportunity to once ask a man I was dating for a while what exactly he was experiencing on our dates.  "Orli, I am having a great time with you but we are having different experiences,"  he said.  My reaction?  Shocked, hurt, confused and disappointed.  I had to recover from such a short lived romance and the healing time was simply not worth the effort that I put into this man. 
  Lesson learned.  Taking it slow till you know is the healthiest approach to an exciting first date or first couple of dates.  Being disappointed is natural and healthy because your desire to connect with another human being is a wonderful and beautiful thing!  You should never ever feel badly about that!  Don't go for the ride, be the driver because you are in control of maybe not how you experience things but how you handle them! (For the record, this man will be very sorry sooner or later! :D)

"NEVER GIVE UP ON LOVE IN NEW YORK CITY. KEEPING THE FAITH IS HALF THE BATTLE."

"Having girlfriends that you can trust is a blessing."

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Turning boy "friends" into "boyfriends".

  "He was nice but the chemistry wasn't there."  This sentiment seems to be the common theme among women who are actively dating.  There are two types of boyfriends.  The men who become your friends and stay friends with you.  The next group are the men that become romantic partners and evolve into  relationships (however long or short these connections last).  The word "chemistry" is such an interesting word because no one can ever pinpoint what it actually means because it is a feeling.
  Going out there and putting time and effort into meeting someone is work and energy.  It is such a shame to meet someone where you get along but the spark isn't necessarily there and you walk away completely.    If it's meant to be and both parties agree to friendship, the relationship can always have a shot at a romantic possibility.
 Most women that I know always like to think of themselves as open-minded and actually give men a few chances from time to time.  Instead of going on a second date that you may not be comfortable with, why not change the way the game is played and just go out socially.  Sometimes taking off the pressure of a second date helps relieve the stress of trying to make him into the guy you want him be.  Seeing and experiencing him in a different setting might just inspire you to take it to the next level and the boyfriend might magically appear!
   I am not claiming to be the expert on this concept, but if you are going to say you're  open-minded, actions speak louder then words.  I'm keeping all my boys!  XOXOXOXOXOXO

Would you date "YOU?"


  This is a scary position to be in because now the challenge becomes, "do you believe in you?"  Here are some questions that I have asked myself throughout the years.  Can I be doing more to be a well-rounded person?  What are my own interests?  How can I become a happier person? 
  If you do the work and you take the time to discover what makes you tick, your life truly begins to take form.  Asking yourself the tuff questions and addressing them question by question, (day by day and moment by moment) gives you greater clarity and insight into your own life.  Not to sound "cliche", but if you don't respect and love yourself, no one else will. 
  What did I actually do to come to terms with my happiness?  I reached out to family.  I expanded my circle of friends. I started skiing again.  I started planning vacations and going to places that I wanted to see.  I found refuge and security in my job.  I started writing!  I stopped "waiting" for my life to begin and decided that I was "in " my life.  Lastly, the most important thing I did was grounding myself in gratitude every single day for the ability to enjoy life. 
  "Date you first," then meet your other half.  If you don't know yourself, you will never know who or what you are looking for.  "Settling" will no longer be an option because loving yourself buys you the time and energy required to get what you rightfully deserve.   So "hell yeah" , I would totally date me "now."  :D
 

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I didn't go to "Barbizon Dating School" but this is what I discovered about posture in the dating world.(This one's for you JAM!)

  The most thought provoking thing happened while I was out with a friend.  We were at a restaurant and he asked me what would I feel like if I had it "all" (meaning the husband and the family).  I sat back in my chair and I just relaxed.  My shoulders no longer felt like they were two feet above where they should be, my facial muscles didn't feel as tight, my back felt looser and I was exuding this positive energy.  Then he said to me "Now that's the girl that everybody is going to fall in love with."
  I am out there and I have seen women on the hunt and it is heartbreaking and difficult to watch.  It is so important to stay calm because men, without a shadow of a doubt, can always smell the scent of anxiety and fear on a woman.  It is not only evident in what women say but it's also in their body language.
  Just the other night at the Four Seasons Hotel in Midtown, two women from Australia were out looking for rich men.  I suppose that they were told that this was the place to be to find these wealthy guys.  If you are a true New Yorker you know that half of these people at this hotel bar are putting on a show, it can be extremely pretentious and prostitutes are sitting at every other table.   These Australian women pulled out every trick in their bag, so to speak, a slew of magic tricks spilled out of one of their purses and they were crying for attention.  Two New York men quickly realized what these women were up to and fled the bar.   
  This case is an extreme example of rash behavior to get the guy. However, this idea of "time is running out so I have to meet him now" will never become you and puts you in an unfair spotlight because this demeanor does not represent who you are.  So take a step back, relax your posture and he will come to you!  Don't be a "barracuda" and I say this in the most helpful way! Never loose hope, he's on his way!

THE BAR BUMP AND GRIND!

  It's crowded and loud especially when you hit a popular bar in the city.  A lot of the times it's hard to manage yourself gracefully because smooshing and pushing is an unfortunate part of the evening.  "Poppin bottles" is not all what it seems when you're in a teeming venue.  I would suggest taking a light sedative (JOKE).  The Standard Beer Garden in the summer is a prime example of how hectic these places can become. 
  A woman shot me the look of death the other night because I brushed up against her bag.  My best weapon is a genuine smile especially to the women who seem to have less patience then the men when push comes to shove.  Taking it easy and a deep breath is the only way to maneuver through these packed bars  We are all here to socialize and hopefully meet upstanding people.  Cat fights are so not cool, so just "Relax".

THE NYC ELEVATOR GAME.

  New Yorkers are in a rush and there is no doubt about that.  Having the common courtesy to hold an elevator for someone as you're in the middle of your day is bothersome for some.  On your next ride up or down, when someone screams out "can you hold it?", give it a try.  It may not be the New York thing to do but it's the way it's done in every other part of this country.  I think! Is it?

"I don't tolerate people who don't wish me well because I wish others well." But that's just me! :)


Double booking dates in a single evening? Don't do it and here is why.

  Unfortunately, desperation can be read in a "New York Minute."  The concept of booking two dates in one evening is a road less travelled for me (score one for me!).  Yet, if you think about it, at first it seems like a great idea.  Putting in the effort to get dressed once and getting mentally prepared (as if it's like training for a marathon) seems like the quintessential way to multitask an evening. 
  If you have gone down that path,  (in my opinion) you may be treading in the "I have to put this date behind me" pool.  You want to give each meeting the respect it deserves.  People that consistently put themselves out there deserve time, consideration and kindness.  Would you want this done to you?
  If this is your frame of mind, try "speed dating" events.  This way everyone is in the same boat with the same expectations that this date could end at any second! PEACE and LOVE!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

When dating becomes a chore.....(Dedicating this particular blog to the beautiful women last night who never give up and are good to one another :))

  Hanging out with my girlfriends, we began to remiss about the days when dates used to be so exciting and the thrill of meeting someone new or even the challenge of getting a man felt like a high.  However, in the dating world "luck" comes into play and you just have to be fortunate where that natural connection is there and both parties want the same "thing" at the same "time."  There are some people that remain on the dating circuit for years and this is when the fun ends and the job begins. 
  A while back, I went on a blind date.  I got there and immediately the physical attraction was not there.  However, some things take time and giving it a chance is the best way to go.  It's not all "looks", right?  I got to the date and had one drink.  After an hour had passed, I said to my date, " well, the connection isn't here for me but I'm glad we gave this a try." He was not pleased (rather pissed actually :)) and replied "I'm having a good time over here, who's going to pay for all these drinks?"  It was two drinks and I marched right up to the bar and paid for both our drinks.  He of course ran after me to pay for his portion but it was too late and I was hailing a cab.
   Some women might not agree with my blatantly, honest approach and sit there with a guy she is not interested in  for the rest of the night. Some even go as far as telling the guy to call her at the end of the night when she knows that call will never be returned.  This particular date is an example of the "chore date."
   How is this dilemma fixed?  Going on date after date can feel like an interview process and taking a break and getting your head out of that mindset is a must! Telling your whole life story is beyond exhausting and who could blame you for feeling wiped out, "Yes, I'm as comfortable in a skirt as I am in sweats.  Yes, I went to college.  Yes, I'm a happy person and yes, I have a job.  No, I'll never gain a pound."  Another angle, is going out with your friends either before or after you meet up with a guy because at least the entire evening was not dedicated to the date (which might actually improve your frame of mind!).  More importantly, always keep your chin up because "well" as one of my girlfriends always puts it " at least you tried."

Random fact, bathrooms are not free in NYC.

  If you need to make an emergency restroom stop in this city, you might want to wait till you get home unless you're a paying customer.  Shop owners are reluctant to allow people who are not actual customers use their facilities.  As I was purchasing my favorite post going out snack tonight (swedish fish),  a cashier/ store owner would not allow this young innocent kid to go to the bathroom, " We pay 40,000 dollars a month to keep this deli opened month after month.  No way!" he said.  I offered to give the guy $1.00 on behalf of this random teenager and he was allowed to use the bathroom.  There's no mercy, so you better just hold it.    Can't we all just get along?  :)

YIKES! Tights!

  OK, we don't want to wear them but we are bordering on the Fall/Winter seasons.  We prefer bare legged and sexy but here are my style picks for warmer legs.  The bold colored tights that are being advertised in the magazines hint juvenile and over the top.  For a more subdued look try a shade of gray that is either textured or opaque.  A given, opaque black tights are a must have and will slenderize your personal style with any short mini and a pair of booties or over the knee boots.  Patterned, lacy or meshed tights in a neutral color are the key to pop your look when hitting the streets of NYC!  Lets keep it sophisticated and streamlined!

One-night stands. A fashion do or a fashion don't?

  You're feeling physically ill, mentally defeated, you're in a bad mood, you're calling your friends incessantly to ask for their opinions and you might just have to take a personal day from work.  Yup, you've just had a one-night stand. 
  My opinion stands firmly on this concept, one-night stands should be against the law if you're not capable of handling the consequences after the deed is done.  You know when you're in the moment whether or not it's the right or wrong thing to do. 
  A good friend of mine (a male friend) once told me, "At work you don't get health benefits for 90 days, so why should it be any different in our personal lives."  Giving up the benefits will not secure your fleeting relationship.  As a matter of fact, it works in the complete opposite direction.  You lose.  You give into the moment, and the chances of a future potential boyfriend are greatly diminished.   I'm not saying that there aren't circumstances where it just works out, because there are exceptions.  I'm not talking about the women who are mentally equipped to deal with this tender situation and the ladies who are not looking for any long term benefits. 
  Use your head and listen for those chiming bells because they are ringing and you can hear them loud and clear.  When you're looking for those durable relationships, beginning with friendship will serve you in the long run.  XOXOXO Never beat yourself up.  Live and learn, and most importantly please protect yourselves.

" You can often tell more about a person by how they talk about other people then by how others talk about them." Cory Booker

Friday, October 15, 2010

"In with the new and out with the old."

  Recycling old boyfriends can be very disruptive.  You always prefer to give a prior relationship another shot, but most of the time people don't change.  It's natural to go back to what your familiar and comfortable with.  Yet, the worst part is that when you invite a past partner in your life, it can prevent you from either moving on to someone new or worse, having a negative impact on your self esteem and depleting your energy.  It's about you at the end of the day and you need to have a healthy approach as to who you allow in your life and who you put the "kibosh" on. 
  It's better to be  alone then to be with the wrong person.  Being in a dysfunctional relationship is much worse then being on your own.  The ability to start fresh everyday is a gift!  I enjoy the single life freedoms and indulging in my own interests.  In the same breath, I will never give up on love and one day having a lasting relationship. 
  As a good friend of mine once told me,"life is exciting when it's confusing because you never know who might be right around the corner."

The married men are amongst us!

  You would be really surprised to see just how many married men roam amid the NYC social scene.  Now, no one is saying that they shouldn't go out and enjoy themselves with their friends.  They are entitled to a social life too.  However, knowing who you are talking to out there can help you sift through the crowd with a keener eye and better understanding.  Short term proposals by married men are a definite "NO NO."  There are so many better, more wholesome options out there!
  In fact, just the other day at Philippe's in midtown, while walking back to my table a man stopped me (OK. I lied.  I shot him a flirty look and told him I recognized him from facebook. I had no clue who he was.  When he told me he was not a member of facebook, I told him, truth be told I had no idea who he was and just wanted to say hello :D).  We had a brief conversation and numbers were exchanged.  When I returned to my table, my friend with laser beam vision noticed a shiny gold band on his left hand.  I guess I must have missed it somehow! OOPSIE! On the other hand, he should have been more forthcoming with his marital status.
  When he called the next day, I immediately told him "you're married."  His excuse, "I was so hammered.  I had this number in my phone and I was just checking to see whose it was."  Nice try buddy!  But I'm not buying it.  XO and CIAO! :)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

"Reinventing yourself is key to creating a stable relationship with New York City and within yourself."

  Coming to terms that you need to change your routine to keep life interesting in this city is daunting and painful. You would think that living in NYC would be an instant party, but when you have lived here for over a decade changes need to be made.  I have literally asked the most random people where should I go, what should I do, and what should I be.  This may strike you as bizarre behavior but when you're looking for answers, you'll just about do anything and ask anybody! 
  These are just a few of the steps that I took to make the city a more vibrant place.  Firstly,  never underestimate the importance of family.  If you're lucky enough like I am, your family lives near by.  They know you best and have your best interests at heart.  Connecting with family members makes you feel good and they actually may inspire an idea or two to help you find that happy place.  You would be surprised how many people don't make it in this city because they don't have family that surrounds them.
   A social network service and website like Facebook is a speedy way to get reconnected with people from your past and expand your social scene for the future.  It's not for everyone but it worked for me. 
  Walking down a different street in Manhattan can also stimulate positive thinking.  A lot of us here are stuck in our routines and sometimes by doing something as simple as changing direction can be very motivating.  With the right attitude you never know who you might meet or what new place you might find.
    Leaving the city is one of the best things you can do to refresh yourself.  The city is very small, busy, loud, overpopulated and fast.  Having the ability to travel, even a day trip, makes you appreciate life here that much more.  Fear of flying is not a viable option for me!
   Some people never leave home without their wallets, I never leave home without my iPod.  Music creates a serene ambiance when walking through the city and helps you to stay in your zone without any outside influences. 
  These are just a few suggestions that worked for me and having implemented these strategies has made life in the city that much more pleasurable and full.  Never forget to smile in New York City.  You will really stand out if you're a happy person because believe it or not, being content is a very unique quality here.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LITTLE SISTER AMANDA!







(Amanda and I at our very best!)

Wishing you all the love, all the happiness and all the success that you could ever dream possible! Mwah!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

"Paying for your own drinks and or dinner gives you the power to leave a date."

I know it's not traditional, so to speak, and men typically should pay for the first, second and third date.  Yet, paying gives you the ability to maneuver your way out of a situation that you may not be comfortable with (I bring cash.  It's less painful then waiting to sign for a credit card bill :)).  It's the right thing to do, if you are not planning on seeing him again.  Leaving dates guilt free is good "Karma!"

"You are lying to yourself,"

LLorraine offered me spiritual guidance.  I can't thank her enough.   After she read my blog she wrote, "You are about be the brightest star of the blogsphere universe your Mercurial wit and willingness to BE is a delight.....a wonder wild child of the heart you make me proud :) your godmother LL."


 
my friend told me.  Then she persisted, "Work, friends, gym and family isn't going to be enough for you.  Get plugged into a creative outlet before it's too late."  I did and my blog was born!  Outside interests aside from work and social feed the soul.  What have you always wanted to do that you left behind?

The "loopholes" of Internet dating.

   A WHILE back I accepted a date from a man on an internet dating site.  We met at Citrus, a nice restaurant on the upper west side.  When I arrived, to my dismay, my date was not what I had expected.  He was the human version of snuffleupagous and I knew in an instant this did not have a shot.  He did not look like his pictures.  On the phone he had an English accent and it suddenly disappeared when I got there (A big oops on his part).   As he waited across the room , I politely asked the hostess to look over at the bar and see my date.  She, being  a single girl as well, understood immediately.  She made sure our food was delivered promptly and I was out of there in under thirty minutes.  My date could not believe how attentive the service was and he was pleased but confused as to how the date ended so abruptly.
   Internet dating has its perks because you can quickly scan a profile and get a date. You get on the phone, have a brief conversation while skimming over the pictures and decide to meet up.   However, it does have its drawbacks and these are some of them.  A black and white picture is photo shopped and shined up to perfection and is often times not an accurate picture.  Past pictures can also be misleading because it is not the present you and a younger version of you.  Pictures that don't reveal the physique in the internet dating world is a big deal (especially to men).  People can often times bump their ages up or down according to what they are searching for.  Professions can also be embellished and made to look more accomplished then the truth.  Lastly in the "what I'm look for" portion of the profile you can choose relationship, marriage or friendship and more often then not, some don't express what they are actually looking for in fear that they may not get what they want. 
   Internet dating is not for everyone.  Personally, I think it's better to meet people more organically.  Still, exposure and using different outlets is always a good idea.  An open mind  and throwing cynicism out the window is the best approach to internet dating.  However, when I had to remove the fork and the knife from my last date several months ago, in fear of my life, I called it quits for good! :D

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I never wear rings and this is why.....

  This past week, I was having dinner with my parents at Prime 112 in Miami.  There were these two gentlemen sitting across from us at another table.  I saw them look over a few times as we were eating dinner. 
  Coincidentally the following day I bumped into one of these guys at the pool at the Fontainebleau.  We were staying at the same hotel.  We began talking and he said that while I was eating dinner the night before, he and his friend were "sizing" me up.  His friend happened to be single and they were trying to figure out my age, whether I was from Miami and if I was married. The first thing they did was look at my hands (Then they looked at my shoes! Men look at shoes more often then not! Who knew!).  I asked him if it would have been more confusing if I had a ring on any of my fingers and he responded that when a man looks at a woman he may be interested in, the first thing he does is look for a ring "anywhere" on the hand.
   At a quick glance rings can be confusing and this is exactly why I never wear a ring on any of my fingers.  :))))))))
MR CHOW "W" Hotel South Beach

Chow down at MR CHOW in Miami.

The gals I met at Chow

  The wait staff is dressed all in white meeting and greeting you as soon as you walk in.  You look around and the room is adorned with white flowers and there are high ceilings lit up with a swarovski crystal chandelier.  The genuine Chinese food is delicious and the portions are big enough to share.  As far as the social life is concerned, it's a mature crowd where you might be able to swing a conversation or two.  The bar scene is not too crowded or too overwhelming.  No guarantees that you will meet the love of your life here, but what is for certain is a good time, a great place to network and interesting people.
     I wound up meeting a 45 year old Israeli man who claimed he sold natural gas for a living.  He had a group of Colombian women with him.  When one of the women asked me to come back home with them, I knew it was time for me to return to my hotel. :)

The basic denim jacket goes for a ride.....

It's fall and denim jackets are back with an edge.  The denim motorcycle jacket is the perfect twist on a classic trend.  Throw it on over leggings or wear over a flowy dress.  It's less expensive then a leather motorcycle jacket and the perfect affordable layering piece for fall.  My personal favorite is the Juicy Couture Jean Jacket.  Guess, Tommy Hilfiger and Esprit have also come out with their own fashion forward jean jackets as well! :)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

On the rooftop of the Gansevoort Hotel in Miami,

I was having drinks with a guy friend who had recently moved from NYC to Miami for a change of pace.  He is single and 39 years old. While he was dating in NY,  he felt that it was very difficult to connect with  women due to the fast and overly aggressive nature of the city.  The quality that he looks for in a woman is a woman who still values romance and wants a relationship.  "The most well balanced women, are the women that maintain the ability to love themselves, while not losing the hope that they can find a loving relationship," he said.  What a refreshing point of view.

"I feel more confident and attractive at 34 then ever before. I wouldn't go back to 30 or my twenties if you paid me."

"Don't be in such awe of me"

was what a man I dated said to me as we were going up the chairlift in Vail Colorado.  It was our second date and I was thrilled to be there.  This was one of the more successful men I have ever dated and this is what he was saying to me.
  This brings me to the point of why women link up to powerful men.  They are mysterious and unavailable due to their hectic careers and busy social lives (typically).  They have the financial ability to take you out to the hottest restaurants and the most exotic places.  All these things make it that much easier for you to lose yourself and go into fantasy mode.  The truth is that at times you don't see what's behind all the glitz and glamour and fail to realize that they won't make great life partners (sometimes!  there are exceptions of course!).  So you are probably wondering if I'm still in touch with this man.  We had the friend talk and we are friends!  We are the kind of friends who never speak, never see each other, and we live on separate coasts and planets.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

"I introduced two people when I was in college who are happily married and just had a baby. It's one of the most special things I have ever done."

"I always give people the benefit of the doubt, it gives me closure." Orli Ross

Juggling men at a charity event is like speed dating.

  Meeting men at a charity event is always a good idea because  it's a cause you believe in and you have something in common versus just meeting a guy at a random bar. The good news is that  if you go to a good event it draws in a lot of people and the downside is that conversations can be touch and go.  Unfortunately, men and women quickly decide if they are romantically compatible and first impressions are often permanent.  I know, this is so unfair! 
  Handling yourself at these events can be tricky.  Focusing is key because it allows you to have more of an in depth conversation.  Keep asking questions and never underestimate the power of eye contact (So don't forget to apply your mascara. I use Hypnose by Lancome ;)). Stay relaxed and don't have an agenda.   Make sure that when you end the conversation that you do so with a smile and find a way to keep in touch either through email, cell number, facebook or whatever you feel comfortable with. That's right, you initiate the keep in touch process! More then likely they will accept.  If you are too busy looking around and moving from person to person, you will find that you have not made any legitimate connections and what a shame that would be because you made the effort to go out ( and style your hair, makeup and outfit :)) and meet people.  Don't forget to reach out to the wonderful women around you as well because as we all know meeting women is a great way to expand your circle of friends.

"From birth to eighteen a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five she needs good looks, from thirty-five to fifty-five a good personality, and from fifty-five on she needs cash." Sophie Tucker (1884-1966)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

http://www.drorfoundation.org/

Never leave an Israeli soldier behind.  Dror Dagan flew from Israel to talk about his experience in the army and how he risked his life to defend our country.  With the money raised this evening at Touch Lounge in midtown we can support wounded soldiers and help provide care they need and deserve.  Established in December 2005, the Dror for the Wounded Foundation provides financial assistance and social support to severely wounded soldiers of the Israel Defense Forces.  Especially in these difficult times, we must show our wounded soldiers that we are standing with them and that their sacrifice was not made in vain.

The amazing men in my life currently are....

my concierge, the man at Manhattan Mini Storage (who helps me with my boxes), my porter, my trainer, my boss, the coffee truck man, the 24 hour deli guy on the corner, my dermatologist, my hairstylist and my Father. :)

OK, so you had a super date last night and today it's as if he has taken a space shuttle and moved to the moon.

  It has happened to me more then enough times to come up with this answer so listen up. Men enjoy flirting just as much (maybe a little more in some cases) as we do.  It boosts their ego and it makes them feel good for the moment.  The same theory applies to why men ask you for your number and never make the call.  It's the chase of the here and now.  This is the "aha" explanation of why he has suddenly disappeared.  NO, he didn't die and no, he didn't get abducted by aliens.  Don't "cyberstalk" and just take a deep breath.  One or two or maybe three dates doesn't mean anything until it does, and you will know when it does because he will simply tell you. 
  In the mean time just take those beginning dates and enjoy.  The more easy going you are will serve you better first and foremost and that potential date may have more of a chance to thrive.  Bottom line is have fun on your dates. As an amazing man I once dated told me, "Rome wasn't built in a day" and my feelings were  maybe he should just move there! :)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


In 1997, while pursuing a journalism career in college, I made my composite card (a marketing tool for actors).  I had every intention of following through to become a reporter.  I was also brazen enough to chop my hair off (:D) and attempt a "new" look for an on camera reporting job.