Monday, October 25, 2010

Getting TOUGH without losing "the girl next door."

  Staying positive in a city where dating is "rough" can become a real challenge.  The city breeds different types of "available" bachelors.  The men in their twenties are typically too young to settle down.  The guys in their thirties seem to be making the decision to stay single, have the "pick of the litter" while exploring every option, and remain focused on their careers.  The men in their forties, in some cases, become so adjusted to their single status that the thought of having a family and a relationship becomes a distant memory.  In the mix of these guys,  are the men who are divorced who may or may not have children.  These men may or may not want to dive into a relationship.  On a past date a man in his forties vocalized, "I would rather retire, play golf everyday and enjoy my life.  My life feels good to me.  It makes sense.  A girlfriend would be nice."  My response? Dead silence.  I smiled and continued eating my dinner.  I had no idea how to translate what he way saying.
  These are different times and the choice to remain single for women and men is becoming a popular way of life.  However, you will find that more women then men do want to settle down.  How do the women that do want a relationship and children survive in a city that promotes single behavior? 
  Never forget, regardless of your experiences, that there are men that do want a genuine relationship.  The guys in NYC want to know that you are independent, self-sufficient and have "your own life."  Still, I believe that they also like the sweeter, softer side that  promotes the possibility of a relationship.  That delicate side takes the edge off the cynicism. 
  Together, the ability to assert your independence while still remaining hopeful for a future relationship is a very sexy and appealing combination.  You don't have to hide "the girl next door," just save that girl for the men who actually deserve her!

1 comment:

  1. Definitely "rough". I think that the most significant problem that exists in the process of attempting to establish a "real" relationship is that we live in an ultra capitalist society in which "relationships" have inevitably become the ultimate commodity. Relationships are no longer created or formed in anything even close to resembling a natural process; they are earned, achieved, and/or worked for. The "dating scene" is social, economic, and sexual warfare, and the battlefields are inherently comprised of scheming, scamming, strategizing, manipulating, and exploiting. The singles "market" has become no different then the standard business negotiation except that there are no universally accepted rules or regulations. The vast majority of "romantic" relationships that I see are not based on actual intimacy rooted in genuine care and concern, but are rather objective oriented strategic alliances, carefully coordinated partnerships, and mutually beneficially situations. Supply and demand run the market, but there are no clear ways of assessing value other than those of the utmost superficial variety. The only way to succeed in a capitalist market is to understand the economic rules of the system and work them to your advantage. The most eligible bachelors/bachelorettes out there (the ones we all seem to believe we deserve to be with) have already succeeded in effectively "marketing" themselves and therefore have a higher perceived value than actual value. Just like investing in a company, investing in a person requires looking for value. If you invest in the "obvious" over valued choices you will inevitably get burned as the competition is fierce. Men are biologically and evolutionarily programmed to hunt potential mates. If you are clever enough to realize that you are not being chatted/flirted with, but are subtly being "sold" / "advertised" on reasons you should want to be with that person you are being hunted; the more subtly, delicately, and usually in the frame of a different context this "marketing message" is delivered, the better the "game". Find men that are sick and tired of hunting because they've realized that marketing themselves and establishing a genuine relationship ARE mutually exclusive. Men that are looking for real relationships will not market themselves because they're looking for somebody that appreciates them for who they are, and who is smart and intuitive enough to recognize their value without needing to spell it out.