Friday, October 29, 2010

The male perspective on "the naked truth behind Halloween."

R.R. "The NYC guy next door."

  The only night of the year when you can be “yourself” in costume, Halloween!  Men and women can lose their NYC inhibitions, insecurities and fear on a night when everyone is supposed to be someone else.  It is not “you” behaving in this seemingly inappropriate manner, it is part of your character in costume :).
  Is it a coincidence that almost every woman will be wearing a seductive version of “herself” and put on the most revealing and shocking outfits in NYC on the chilliest  weekend of October?   No, I find many women want to be more assertive and open.    Wearing a sexy outfit that enhances a women’s sexuality is empowering on this unpredictable night to a man.   Being in costume permits you see a handsome guy and feel comfortable playing the seductress that might be not as obvious on any other given day.   Confidence is one of the first attractive qualities I look for in a girl.  
  Leave the shy conservative facade at home and let loose!  Take this one night to stop speculating about the future and go with the flow.  Most importantly, be safe!  R.R.!

Introducing "NYC guy next door." The male perspective.

  Hello, my name is R.R.   I am writing these contributions to Orli’s blog so I can share my 13 years of experience living mostly as a single 36 year old man in NYC. 

  I grew up in a middle class family in suburban Philadelphia and attended prep school and the University of Texas on a football scholarship.  I moved to New York ready to compete and succeed in the greatest city in the world.  I attended Columbia University and NYU for grad school and started my own construction/real estate development firm in 2001. I love to travel, hang out with friends and try to live life to the fullest every day. 

  I still believe that NYC is the greatest city in the world and that every day brings new opportunities and adventures.  I also believe that every day brings the opportunity to meet the woman of my dreams and it sure is fun just figuring it out on my search for the "one."

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

"I need to find a man."

  Many single women in the city say this to themselves constantly on their search for love and acceptance from a boyfriend figure.  It is not only heartbreaking but is also infuriating to hear.  To need anything implies that if you don't have it, then you have nothing.  I know a lot of beautiful, independent and smart women in this city who simply don't give themselves the credit they deserve just because they haven't met the right person yet.  It is self-defeating and changing your story is vital. 
  What does changing the story mean?  Changing the story means that your life is "all good" all by its self.  Changing the story says, "No, I have not met him yet. However, I will keep my life interesting and full and do the things that make me happy.  No, it's not what I pictured.  Yet, I am grateful for my life and it's exciting because you never know what could happen." 
  Remember this!  That it only takes one day and one person.  One day, no matter how long you've been on your own,  you will meet your match.  Having a negative attitude that you need to find that guy to complete your life will only transform you into your worst enemy.  Be happy and content because "the grass isn't always greener on the other side."  Just maybe if you take a step back and look at your world, you would see that it is pretty darn amazing. XOXOXOXO.  BE GOOD TO YOU!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Getting TOUGH without losing "the girl next door."

  Staying positive in a city where dating is "rough" can become a real challenge.  The city breeds different types of "available" bachelors.  The men in their twenties are typically too young to settle down.  The guys in their thirties seem to be making the decision to stay single, have the "pick of the litter" while exploring every option, and remain focused on their careers.  The men in their forties, in some cases, become so adjusted to their single status that the thought of having a family and a relationship becomes a distant memory.  In the mix of these guys,  are the men who are divorced who may or may not have children.  These men may or may not want to dive into a relationship.  On a past date a man in his forties vocalized, "I would rather retire, play golf everyday and enjoy my life.  My life feels good to me.  It makes sense.  A girlfriend would be nice."  My response? Dead silence.  I smiled and continued eating my dinner.  I had no idea how to translate what he way saying.
  These are different times and the choice to remain single for women and men is becoming a popular way of life.  However, you will find that more women then men do want to settle down.  How do the women that do want a relationship and children survive in a city that promotes single behavior? 
  Never forget, regardless of your experiences, that there are men that do want a genuine relationship.  The guys in NYC want to know that you are independent, self-sufficient and have "your own life."  Still, I believe that they also like the sweeter, softer side that  promotes the possibility of a relationship.  That delicate side takes the edge off the cynicism. 
  Together, the ability to assert your independence while still remaining hopeful for a future relationship is a very sexy and appealing combination.  You don't have to hide "the girl next door," just save that girl for the men who actually deserve her!

"I'll compromise but I will never settle." Orli Ross

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The dish on my 'Nightline' stunt.

JuJu Chang from 'Nightline' thanked me for my transparency while filming.  I saw this as a very unique quality and inspired my blog,  "Transparent Thoughts NYC."   Thanks JuJu!

    Over a year ago I met Susan Rose and Jennifer Heller through a client.  They run an elite matchmaking service (called Rose and Heller Inc. Matchmaking Service).  It's very pricey and they claim (as most matchmakers do) to know what type of man you need and what you should be doing to attract him. 
  At this point in my life, I was very excited about the opportunity to get on television (especially a program like 'Nightline') and portray my personality while showing off my skills as an "expert dater."  I was offered a deal of a lifetime to sign up with this service and I was delighted to have the opportunity to not only be on TV but to work with women in the matchmaking business who are the experts on men and dating. 
  If they had approached me today, I never would have accepted this offer.  I have made so many personal strides that I can truly say, without a doubt, that I am not the same person.  When I look back at the segment, I see a woman who was a compulsive dater, a people pleaser and actually a little sad.  I felt that if I didn't have a date lined up for the week, that I would fail to find a partner.  I believed the matchmakers when they told me I needed to "tone down" (in character and style)  to make myself more attractive to potential bachelors.  Matchmakers will sometimes find a weakness and play on that insecurity to get you to settle for someone who may not be right for you.
   To top it off, when you're not in touch with your inner-strength, sadness and confusion as to who you are and who you should be comes forth in everything you do and say.  In fact, right after I completed the six weeks of filming, my right eye actually began to twitch because I became so nervous and neurotic!  This was a turning point for me in my personal life.  I realized I really did need to "chill" and get back in touch with who I was as a person and what I had to offer to not only potential mates but to the important people who surround me in my life on a daily basis.  Creating  a strong foundation within yourself and being your own best friend and cheerleader makes a big difference in how you identify with people and the world around you. 
  I wouldn't be the same today had I not driven myself completely nuts and had not met these two "fabulous" women.  These matchmakers believed in changing me first to meet the right guy.  Their "skillful" approach was demeaning.  I never needed to change.  I have always been fun, dynamic and attractive with a terrific sense of style and grace.  I just had to grow up and give myself a little more credit!

Friday, October 22, 2010

When your younger sister gets married before you.

   Movies have been made surrounding this topic because it hits home to many women in today's world.  In the movie "27 Dresses," Katherine Heigl unravels at her sister's engagement party.  It was quite a scene watching her conduct herself amongst family and friends. A nosey guest says, "How does it feel now that your younger sister is getting married before you?"  Heigl answers, "I get to have hot hate sex with random strangers.  Enjoy the party!"   Heigl's famous quote reflects her desire to get married and she states "One day, one day it will be my turn," and it is nothing short of heart wrenching. 
 Yes, my younger sister did get married before me and my baby sister will most likely get engaged within the year.  I am the eldest of three sisters and I grew up in a traditional family.  When siblings are married out of order, the family dynamics change.  It can be challenging to feel "secure" and "normal," so to speak, because it's not customary and it's certainly not how you pictured it when you were little. 
  The most important thing to realize is that it's not a competition.  At the end of the day we all have our own individual paths and things happen for a reason, whether or not it makes sense at that exact moment. 
  I have a beautiful niece now that I love to death.  It's a wonderful feeling when you can embrace your destiny and be genuinely happy for the people in your life.  I couldn't wish my sisters more success, love and happiness in their lives.  Someday, one day,  it will be my turn!

"Cigar Bars," an untapped hidden treasure in NYC?

  If you can withstand the smoke, cigar bars are filled with eligible bachelors.  The "Cigar Inn" on the east side with its homey and loungey atmosphere, is a relaxed and enjoyable place to socialize with guys.  The men feel in their element in these smokey lounges. This just might give you the opportunity to connect with the men that frequent these places while just hanging out with friends or during their casual business meetings.  Showing that you can just "be" and hang with the boys is a real advantage.  In a city where women outnumber the men, this is a novel idea.  The ratio of men are far greater then women at this type of bar.
  Could the "cigar bar" be another alternative to a noisy and packed sports bar?   Yo Patti! Steakhouses and upscale restaurants aren't the only places to find available men in NYC.  You might want to reconsider your strategy and I'll reconsider mine!

10 Things Patti Stanger Needs To Know About Men In New York City

  1. Even the schlubbiest mook here thinks he’s supermodel-worthy.
  2. They actually appreciate women with curly hair. Ethnicity rules here. Lay off the flat iron business.
  3. No matter how rich they may be, don’t assume that they intend to pay for anything! You’ll have to tell them.
  4. They’re much harder to “shout into submission” than L.A. guys. If you push too hard, they’ll walk away and they won’t look back.
  5. Their careers really do come first. They won’t have time for the mixer; they won’t have time for you; they won’t have time for us.
  6. While L.A. guys may settle for a dumb, model type, NY dudes are expecting a model type who is also a Mensa member.
  7. They have attention spans that make a 5-year-old’s look impressive.
  8. The best specimens are the ones who just moved here from somewhere else.
  9. Jewish millionaires may be excited about finding a shiksa girlfriend, but their parents most definitely will not be.
  10. Most guys under 40 see no need to settle down because there are so many options. NYC is a buffet of hot, smart women. Aim for an older clientele!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

"The world is a kinder place, when you're a happy person. The world is a happier place, when you're a kinder person." Orli Ross

Kissing on a first date is a given. "Says who?"

 This past summer I was set up on a blind date from one of my clients.  My date was with a religious guy which I was very hesitant about because I am not a religious person.  However, being open-minded to the possibilities, I accepted the date.  I felt a sense of relief when I arrived at the apartment rooftop because being that he was religious, I felt secure in the fact I wouldn't be put in a compromising situation.  The date was ending and he attempted the "grand finale, end of the date, first kiss."  I was shocked because I had not expected that this guy would even try for that kiss.  Be as it may, he did, and I said,  "Whoa! I thought I was safe here.  I thought you were religious."  "Orli, I'm religious but religious people kiss," he said. I gave him a peck on the lips to keep him at bay but that was not enough for this guy.  He said, "A real kiss lasts for five seconds or more."  Just to prove a point I put my lips against his and counted to five out loud.  "There, I did it!"  I said.  He walked me to the cab and as you could imagine , we never saw each other again, although he did call for a second date.
   It amazes me that kisses on a first date have become a given to the point of meaningless.  I understand,  it's the moment in the evening where you give it a try to see if you're compatible.  But, if you try too soon (in certain situations), you could be sabotaging yourself.  Having patience, especially when it comes to the physical stuff,  is what the dating world won't tolerate today.  So sad that the intimacy of kissing has fallen by the wayside. Considering just a two hour date and a friendly kiss on the cheek is not as realistic as you would think.  Physical attraction is one of the most important components of a first date.   However, wouldn't it be nice if a kiss actually meant what it should mean?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

"I used to think the word "single" was a dirty word. It's only a marital status."

'Tangled' Up in the Fairy Tale.

  Have you ever gone on a date where you had the most fantastic time and then the man just disappears?  You're shocked because you are absolutely certain that this date "rocked" and if you had a super time then he must have had the same experience.  Right? Wrong!
  In certain situations, especially on a first date, you don't know the other person and it's very hard to gauge where the other person is coming from.  Getting swept away and fantasizing is not a great approach to a first date because it's not "real" yet and it is not a developed relationship.  There is a big difference between being optimistic and hopeful and dreaming of an unrealistic future.  I'm not insinuating that you should be cynical because that is negative thinking.  Taking it for what it is, especially in the beginning is the only way to keep your feet on the ground. 
  I actually got the opportunity to once ask a man I was dating for a while what exactly he was experiencing on our dates.  "Orli, I am having a great time with you but we are having different experiences,"  he said.  My reaction?  Shocked, hurt, confused and disappointed.  I had to recover from such a short lived romance and the healing time was simply not worth the effort that I put into this man. 
  Lesson learned.  Taking it slow till you know is the healthiest approach to an exciting first date or first couple of dates.  Being disappointed is natural and healthy because your desire to connect with another human being is a wonderful and beautiful thing!  You should never ever feel badly about that!  Don't go for the ride, be the driver because you are in control of maybe not how you experience things but how you handle them! (For the record, this man will be very sorry sooner or later! :D)


"Having girlfriends that you can trust is a blessing."

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Turning boy "friends" into "boyfriends".

  "He was nice but the chemistry wasn't there."  This sentiment seems to be the common theme among women who are actively dating.  There are two types of boyfriends.  The men who become your friends and stay friends with you.  The next group are the men that become romantic partners and evolve into  relationships (however long or short these connections last).  The word "chemistry" is such an interesting word because no one can ever pinpoint what it actually means because it is a feeling.
  Going out there and putting time and effort into meeting someone is work and energy.  It is such a shame to meet someone where you get along but the spark isn't necessarily there and you walk away completely.    If it's meant to be and both parties agree to friendship, the relationship can always have a shot at a romantic possibility.
 Most women that I know always like to think of themselves as open-minded and actually give men a few chances from time to time.  Instead of going on a second date that you may not be comfortable with, why not change the way the game is played and just go out socially.  Sometimes taking off the pressure of a second date helps relieve the stress of trying to make him into the guy you want him be.  Seeing and experiencing him in a different setting might just inspire you to take it to the next level and the boyfriend might magically appear!
   I am not claiming to be the expert on this concept, but if you are going to say you're  open-minded, actions speak louder then words.  I'm keeping all my boys!  XOXOXOXOXOXO

Would you date "YOU?"

  This is a scary position to be in because now the challenge becomes, "do you believe in you?"  Here are some questions that I have asked myself throughout the years.  Can I be doing more to be a well-rounded person?  What are my own interests?  How can I become a happier person? 
  If you do the work and you take the time to discover what makes you tick, your life truly begins to take form.  Asking yourself the tuff questions and addressing them question by question, (day by day and moment by moment) gives you greater clarity and insight into your own life.  Not to sound "cliche", but if you don't respect and love yourself, no one else will. 
  What did I actually do to come to terms with my happiness?  I reached out to family.  I expanded my circle of friends. I started skiing again.  I started planning vacations and going to places that I wanted to see.  I found refuge and security in my job.  I started writing!  I stopped "waiting" for my life to begin and decided that I was "in " my life.  Lastly, the most important thing I did was grounding myself in gratitude every single day for the ability to enjoy life. 
  "Date you first," then meet your other half.  If you don't know yourself, you will never know who or what you are looking for.  "Settling" will no longer be an option because loving yourself buys you the time and energy required to get what you rightfully deserve.   So "hell yeah" , I would totally date me "now."  :D

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I didn't go to "Barbizon Dating School" but this is what I discovered about posture in the dating world.(This one's for you JAM!)

  The most thought provoking thing happened while I was out with a friend.  We were at a restaurant and he asked me what would I feel like if I had it "all" (meaning the husband and the family).  I sat back in my chair and I just relaxed.  My shoulders no longer felt like they were two feet above where they should be, my facial muscles didn't feel as tight, my back felt looser and I was exuding this positive energy.  Then he said to me "Now that's the girl that everybody is going to fall in love with."
  I am out there and I have seen women on the hunt and it is heartbreaking and difficult to watch.  It is so important to stay calm because men, without a shadow of a doubt, can always smell the scent of anxiety and fear on a woman.  It is not only evident in what women say but it's also in their body language.
  Just the other night at the Four Seasons Hotel in Midtown, two women from Australia were out looking for rich men.  I suppose that they were told that this was the place to be to find these wealthy guys.  If you are a true New Yorker you know that half of these people at this hotel bar are putting on a show, it can be extremely pretentious and prostitutes are sitting at every other table.   These Australian women pulled out every trick in their bag, so to speak, a slew of magic tricks spilled out of one of their purses and they were crying for attention.  Two New York men quickly realized what these women were up to and fled the bar.   
  This case is an extreme example of rash behavior to get the guy. However, this idea of "time is running out so I have to meet him now" will never become you and puts you in an unfair spotlight because this demeanor does not represent who you are.  So take a step back, relax your posture and he will come to you!  Don't be a "barracuda" and I say this in the most helpful way! Never loose hope, he's on his way!


  It's crowded and loud especially when you hit a popular bar in the city.  A lot of the times it's hard to manage yourself gracefully because smooshing and pushing is an unfortunate part of the evening.  "Poppin bottles" is not all what it seems when you're in a teeming venue.  I would suggest taking a light sedative (JOKE).  The Standard Beer Garden in the summer is a prime example of how hectic these places can become. 
  A woman shot me the look of death the other night because I brushed up against her bag.  My best weapon is a genuine smile especially to the women who seem to have less patience then the men when push comes to shove.  Taking it easy and a deep breath is the only way to maneuver through these packed bars  We are all here to socialize and hopefully meet upstanding people.  Cat fights are so not cool, so just "Relax".


  New Yorkers are in a rush and there is no doubt about that.  Having the common courtesy to hold an elevator for someone as you're in the middle of your day is bothersome for some.  On your next ride up or down, when someone screams out "can you hold it?", give it a try.  It may not be the New York thing to do but it's the way it's done in every other part of this country.  I think! Is it?

"I don't tolerate people who don't wish me well because I wish others well." But that's just me! :)

Double booking dates in a single evening? Don't do it and here is why.

  Unfortunately, desperation can be read in a "New York Minute."  The concept of booking two dates in one evening is a road less travelled for me (score one for me!).  Yet, if you think about it, at first it seems like a great idea.  Putting in the effort to get dressed once and getting mentally prepared (as if it's like training for a marathon) seems like the quintessential way to multitask an evening. 
  If you have gone down that path,  (in my opinion) you may be treading in the "I have to put this date behind me" pool.  You want to give each meeting the respect it deserves.  People that consistently put themselves out there deserve time, consideration and kindness.  Would you want this done to you?
  If this is your frame of mind, try "speed dating" events.  This way everyone is in the same boat with the same expectations that this date could end at any second! PEACE and LOVE!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

When dating becomes a chore.....(Dedicating this particular blog to the beautiful women last night who never give up and are good to one another :))

  Hanging out with my girlfriends, we began to remiss about the days when dates used to be so exciting and the thrill of meeting someone new or even the challenge of getting a man felt like a high.  However, in the dating world "luck" comes into play and you just have to be fortunate where that natural connection is there and both parties want the same "thing" at the same "time."  There are some people that remain on the dating circuit for years and this is when the fun ends and the job begins. 
  A while back, I went on a blind date.  I got there and immediately the physical attraction was not there.  However, some things take time and giving it a chance is the best way to go.  It's not all "looks", right?  I got to the date and had one drink.  After an hour had passed, I said to my date, " well, the connection isn't here for me but I'm glad we gave this a try." He was not pleased (rather pissed actually :)) and replied "I'm having a good time over here, who's going to pay for all these drinks?"  It was two drinks and I marched right up to the bar and paid for both our drinks.  He of course ran after me to pay for his portion but it was too late and I was hailing a cab.
   Some women might not agree with my blatantly, honest approach and sit there with a guy she is not interested in  for the rest of the night. Some even go as far as telling the guy to call her at the end of the night when she knows that call will never be returned.  This particular date is an example of the "chore date."
   How is this dilemma fixed?  Going on date after date can feel like an interview process and taking a break and getting your head out of that mindset is a must! Telling your whole life story is beyond exhausting and who could blame you for feeling wiped out, "Yes, I'm as comfortable in a skirt as I am in sweats.  Yes, I went to college.  Yes, I'm a happy person and yes, I have a job.  No, I'll never gain a pound."  Another angle, is going out with your friends either before or after you meet up with a guy because at least the entire evening was not dedicated to the date (which might actually improve your frame of mind!).  More importantly, always keep your chin up because "well" as one of my girlfriends always puts it " at least you tried."

Random fact, bathrooms are not free in NYC.

  If you need to make an emergency restroom stop in this city, you might want to wait till you get home unless you're a paying customer.  Shop owners are reluctant to allow people who are not actual customers use their facilities.  As I was purchasing my favorite post going out snack tonight (swedish fish),  a cashier/ store owner would not allow this young innocent kid to go to the bathroom, " We pay 40,000 dollars a month to keep this deli opened month after month.  No way!" he said.  I offered to give the guy $1.00 on behalf of this random teenager and he was allowed to use the bathroom.  There's no mercy, so you better just hold it.    Can't we all just get along?  :)

YIKES! Tights!

  OK, we don't want to wear them but we are bordering on the Fall/Winter seasons.  We prefer bare legged and sexy but here are my style picks for warmer legs.  The bold colored tights that are being advertised in the magazines hint juvenile and over the top.  For a more subdued look try a shade of gray that is either textured or opaque.  A given, opaque black tights are a must have and will slenderize your personal style with any short mini and a pair of booties or over the knee boots.  Patterned, lacy or meshed tights in a neutral color are the key to pop your look when hitting the streets of NYC!  Lets keep it sophisticated and streamlined!

One-night stands. A fashion do or a fashion don't?

  You're feeling physically ill, mentally defeated, you're in a bad mood, you're calling your friends incessantly to ask for their opinions and you might just have to take a personal day from work.  Yup, you've just had a one-night stand. 
  My opinion stands firmly on this concept, one-night stands should be against the law if you're not capable of handling the consequences after the deed is done.  You know when you're in the moment whether or not it's the right or wrong thing to do. 
  A good friend of mine (a male friend) once told me, "At work you don't get health benefits for 90 days, so why should it be any different in our personal lives."  Giving up the benefits will not secure your fleeting relationship.  As a matter of fact, it works in the complete opposite direction.  You lose.  You give into the moment, and the chances of a future potential boyfriend are greatly diminished.   I'm not saying that there aren't circumstances where it just works out, because there are exceptions.  I'm not talking about the women who are mentally equipped to deal with this tender situation and the ladies who are not looking for any long term benefits. 
  Use your head and listen for those chiming bells because they are ringing and you can hear them loud and clear.  When you're looking for those durable relationships, beginning with friendship will serve you in the long run.  XOXOXO Never beat yourself up.  Live and learn, and most importantly please protect yourselves.

" You can often tell more about a person by how they talk about other people then by how others talk about them." Cory Booker

Friday, October 15, 2010

"In with the new and out with the old."

  Recycling old boyfriends can be very disruptive.  You always prefer to give a prior relationship another shot, but most of the time people don't change.  It's natural to go back to what your familiar and comfortable with.  Yet, the worst part is that when you invite a past partner in your life, it can prevent you from either moving on to someone new or worse, having a negative impact on your self esteem and depleting your energy.  It's about you at the end of the day and you need to have a healthy approach as to who you allow in your life and who you put the "kibosh" on. 
  It's better to be  alone then to be with the wrong person.  Being in a dysfunctional relationship is much worse then being on your own.  The ability to start fresh everyday is a gift!  I enjoy the single life freedoms and indulging in my own interests.  In the same breath, I will never give up on love and one day having a lasting relationship. 
  As a good friend of mine once told me,"life is exciting when it's confusing because you never know who might be right around the corner."

The married men are amongst us!

  You would be really surprised to see just how many married men roam amid the NYC social scene.  Now, no one is saying that they shouldn't go out and enjoy themselves with their friends.  They are entitled to a social life too.  However, knowing who you are talking to out there can help you sift through the crowd with a keener eye and better understanding.  Short term proposals by married men are a definite "NO NO."  There are so many better, more wholesome options out there!
  In fact, just the other day at Philippe's in midtown, while walking back to my table a man stopped me (OK. I lied.  I shot him a flirty look and told him I recognized him from facebook. I had no clue who he was.  When he told me he was not a member of facebook, I told him, truth be told I had no idea who he was and just wanted to say hello :D).  We had a brief conversation and numbers were exchanged.  When I returned to my table, my friend with laser beam vision noticed a shiny gold band on his left hand.  I guess I must have missed it somehow! OOPSIE! On the other hand, he should have been more forthcoming with his marital status.
  When he called the next day, I immediately told him "you're married."  His excuse, "I was so hammered.  I had this number in my phone and I was just checking to see whose it was."  Nice try buddy!  But I'm not buying it.  XO and CIAO! :)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

"Reinventing yourself is key to creating a stable relationship with New York City and within yourself."

  Coming to terms that you need to change your routine to keep life interesting in this city is daunting and painful. You would think that living in NYC would be an instant party, but when you have lived here for over a decade changes need to be made.  I have literally asked the most random people where should I go, what should I do, and what should I be.  This may strike you as bizarre behavior but when you're looking for answers, you'll just about do anything and ask anybody! 
  These are just a few of the steps that I took to make the city a more vibrant place.  Firstly,  never underestimate the importance of family.  If you're lucky enough like I am, your family lives near by.  They know you best and have your best interests at heart.  Connecting with family members makes you feel good and they actually may inspire an idea or two to help you find that happy place.  You would be surprised how many people don't make it in this city because they don't have family that surrounds them.
   A social network service and website like Facebook is a speedy way to get reconnected with people from your past and expand your social scene for the future.  It's not for everyone but it worked for me. 
  Walking down a different street in Manhattan can also stimulate positive thinking.  A lot of us here are stuck in our routines and sometimes by doing something as simple as changing direction can be very motivating.  With the right attitude you never know who you might meet or what new place you might find.
    Leaving the city is one of the best things you can do to refresh yourself.  The city is very small, busy, loud, overpopulated and fast.  Having the ability to travel, even a day trip, makes you appreciate life here that much more.  Fear of flying is not a viable option for me!
   Some people never leave home without their wallets, I never leave home without my iPod.  Music creates a serene ambiance when walking through the city and helps you to stay in your zone without any outside influences. 
  These are just a few suggestions that worked for me and having implemented these strategies has made life in the city that much more pleasurable and full.  Never forget to smile in New York City.  You will really stand out if you're a happy person because believe it or not, being content is a very unique quality here.


(Amanda and I at our very best!)

Wishing you all the love, all the happiness and all the success that you could ever dream possible! Mwah!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

"Paying for your own drinks and or dinner gives you the power to leave a date."

I know it's not traditional, so to speak, and men typically should pay for the first, second and third date.  Yet, paying gives you the ability to maneuver your way out of a situation that you may not be comfortable with (I bring cash.  It's less painful then waiting to sign for a credit card bill :)).  It's the right thing to do, if you are not planning on seeing him again.  Leaving dates guilt free is good "Karma!"

"You are lying to yourself,"

LLorraine offered me spiritual guidance.  I can't thank her enough.   After she read my blog she wrote, "You are about be the brightest star of the blogsphere universe your Mercurial wit and willingness to BE is a delight.....a wonder wild child of the heart you make me proud :) your godmother LL."

my friend told me.  Then she persisted, "Work, friends, gym and family isn't going to be enough for you.  Get plugged into a creative outlet before it's too late."  I did and my blog was born!  Outside interests aside from work and social feed the soul.  What have you always wanted to do that you left behind?

The "loopholes" of Internet dating.

   A WHILE back I accepted a date from a man on an internet dating site.  We met at Citrus, a nice restaurant on the upper west side.  When I arrived, to my dismay, my date was not what I had expected.  He was the human version of snuffleupagous and I knew in an instant this did not have a shot.  He did not look like his pictures.  On the phone he had an English accent and it suddenly disappeared when I got there (A big oops on his part).   As he waited across the room , I politely asked the hostess to look over at the bar and see my date.  She, being  a single girl as well, understood immediately.  She made sure our food was delivered promptly and I was out of there in under thirty minutes.  My date could not believe how attentive the service was and he was pleased but confused as to how the date ended so abruptly.
   Internet dating has its perks because you can quickly scan a profile and get a date. You get on the phone, have a brief conversation while skimming over the pictures and decide to meet up.   However, it does have its drawbacks and these are some of them.  A black and white picture is photo shopped and shined up to perfection and is often times not an accurate picture.  Past pictures can also be misleading because it is not the present you and a younger version of you.  Pictures that don't reveal the physique in the internet dating world is a big deal (especially to men).  People can often times bump their ages up or down according to what they are searching for.  Professions can also be embellished and made to look more accomplished then the truth.  Lastly in the "what I'm look for" portion of the profile you can choose relationship, marriage or friendship and more often then not, some don't express what they are actually looking for in fear that they may not get what they want. 
   Internet dating is not for everyone.  Personally, I think it's better to meet people more organically.  Still, exposure and using different outlets is always a good idea.  An open mind  and throwing cynicism out the window is the best approach to internet dating.  However, when I had to remove the fork and the knife from my last date several months ago, in fear of my life, I called it quits for good! :D

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I never wear rings and this is why.....

  This past week, I was having dinner with my parents at Prime 112 in Miami.  There were these two gentlemen sitting across from us at another table.  I saw them look over a few times as we were eating dinner. 
  Coincidentally the following day I bumped into one of these guys at the pool at the Fontainebleau.  We were staying at the same hotel.  We began talking and he said that while I was eating dinner the night before, he and his friend were "sizing" me up.  His friend happened to be single and they were trying to figure out my age, whether I was from Miami and if I was married. The first thing they did was look at my hands (Then they looked at my shoes! Men look at shoes more often then not! Who knew!).  I asked him if it would have been more confusing if I had a ring on any of my fingers and he responded that when a man looks at a woman he may be interested in, the first thing he does is look for a ring "anywhere" on the hand.
   At a quick glance rings can be confusing and this is exactly why I never wear a ring on any of my fingers.  :))))))))
MR CHOW "W" Hotel South Beach

Chow down at MR CHOW in Miami.

The gals I met at Chow

  The wait staff is dressed all in white meeting and greeting you as soon as you walk in.  You look around and the room is adorned with white flowers and there are high ceilings lit up with a swarovski crystal chandelier.  The genuine Chinese food is delicious and the portions are big enough to share.  As far as the social life is concerned, it's a mature crowd where you might be able to swing a conversation or two.  The bar scene is not too crowded or too overwhelming.  No guarantees that you will meet the love of your life here, but what is for certain is a good time, a great place to network and interesting people.
     I wound up meeting a 45 year old Israeli man who claimed he sold natural gas for a living.  He had a group of Colombian women with him.  When one of the women asked me to come back home with them, I knew it was time for me to return to my hotel. :)

The basic denim jacket goes for a ride.....

It's fall and denim jackets are back with an edge.  The denim motorcycle jacket is the perfect twist on a classic trend.  Throw it on over leggings or wear over a flowy dress.  It's less expensive then a leather motorcycle jacket and the perfect affordable layering piece for fall.  My personal favorite is the Juicy Couture Jean Jacket.  Guess, Tommy Hilfiger and Esprit have also come out with their own fashion forward jean jackets as well! :)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

On the rooftop of the Gansevoort Hotel in Miami,

I was having drinks with a guy friend who had recently moved from NYC to Miami for a change of pace.  He is single and 39 years old. While he was dating in NY,  he felt that it was very difficult to connect with  women due to the fast and overly aggressive nature of the city.  The quality that he looks for in a woman is a woman who still values romance and wants a relationship.  "The most well balanced women, are the women that maintain the ability to love themselves, while not losing the hope that they can find a loving relationship," he said.  What a refreshing point of view.

"I feel more confident and attractive at 34 then ever before. I wouldn't go back to 30 or my twenties if you paid me."

"Don't be in such awe of me"

was what a man I dated said to me as we were going up the chairlift in Vail Colorado.  It was our second date and I was thrilled to be there.  This was one of the more successful men I have ever dated and this is what he was saying to me.
  This brings me to the point of why women link up to powerful men.  They are mysterious and unavailable due to their hectic careers and busy social lives (typically).  They have the financial ability to take you out to the hottest restaurants and the most exotic places.  All these things make it that much easier for you to lose yourself and go into fantasy mode.  The truth is that at times you don't see what's behind all the glitz and glamour and fail to realize that they won't make great life partners (sometimes!  there are exceptions of course!).  So you are probably wondering if I'm still in touch with this man.  We had the friend talk and we are friends!  We are the kind of friends who never speak, never see each other, and we live on separate coasts and planets.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

"I introduced two people when I was in college who are happily married and just had a baby. It's one of the most special things I have ever done."

"I always give people the benefit of the doubt, it gives me closure." Orli Ross

Juggling men at a charity event is like speed dating.

  Meeting men at a charity event is always a good idea because  it's a cause you believe in and you have something in common versus just meeting a guy at a random bar. The good news is that  if you go to a good event it draws in a lot of people and the downside is that conversations can be touch and go.  Unfortunately, men and women quickly decide if they are romantically compatible and first impressions are often permanent.  I know, this is so unfair! 
  Handling yourself at these events can be tricky.  Focusing is key because it allows you to have more of an in depth conversation.  Keep asking questions and never underestimate the power of eye contact (So don't forget to apply your mascara. I use Hypnose by Lancome ;)). Stay relaxed and don't have an agenda.   Make sure that when you end the conversation that you do so with a smile and find a way to keep in touch either through email, cell number, facebook or whatever you feel comfortable with. That's right, you initiate the keep in touch process! More then likely they will accept.  If you are too busy looking around and moving from person to person, you will find that you have not made any legitimate connections and what a shame that would be because you made the effort to go out ( and style your hair, makeup and outfit :)) and meet people.  Don't forget to reach out to the wonderful women around you as well because as we all know meeting women is a great way to expand your circle of friends.

"From birth to eighteen a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five she needs good looks, from thirty-five to fifty-five a good personality, and from fifty-five on she needs cash." Sophie Tucker (1884-1966)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Never leave an Israeli soldier behind.  Dror Dagan flew from Israel to talk about his experience in the army and how he risked his life to defend our country.  With the money raised this evening at Touch Lounge in midtown we can support wounded soldiers and help provide care they need and deserve.  Established in December 2005, the Dror for the Wounded Foundation provides financial assistance and social support to severely wounded soldiers of the Israel Defense Forces.  Especially in these difficult times, we must show our wounded soldiers that we are standing with them and that their sacrifice was not made in vain.

The amazing men in my life currently are....

my concierge, the man at Manhattan Mini Storage (who helps me with my boxes), my porter, my trainer, my boss, the coffee truck man, the 24 hour deli guy on the corner, my dermatologist, my hairstylist and my Father. :)

OK, so you had a super date last night and today it's as if he has taken a space shuttle and moved to the moon.

  It has happened to me more then enough times to come up with this answer so listen up. Men enjoy flirting just as much (maybe a little more in some cases) as we do.  It boosts their ego and it makes them feel good for the moment.  The same theory applies to why men ask you for your number and never make the call.  It's the chase of the here and now.  This is the "aha" explanation of why he has suddenly disappeared.  NO, he didn't die and no, he didn't get abducted by aliens.  Don't "cyberstalk" and just take a deep breath.  One or two or maybe three dates doesn't mean anything until it does, and you will know when it does because he will simply tell you. 
  In the mean time just take those beginning dates and enjoy.  The more easy going you are will serve you better first and foremost and that potential date may have more of a chance to thrive.  Bottom line is have fun on your dates. As an amazing man I once dated told me, "Rome wasn't built in a day" and my feelings were  maybe he should just move there! :)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

In 1997, while pursuing a journalism career in college, I made my composite card (a marketing tool for actors).  I had every intention of following through to become a reporter.  I was also brazen enough to chop my hair off (:D) and attempt a "new" look for an on camera reporting job.

"I thought you didn't want to hang out,"

was what I said to this man I had a date with when I met him at the Spotted Pig.  Then he said, "I thought you didn't want to meet up."  Miscommunication through texting happens everyday.  This man had called the day before to confirm the date which was very respectful. Two thumbs up!  However, the next day it was raining.  The weather was so bad that I texted him four hours before we were supposed to meet up, "Are we still meeting up?".  His response via text was "Maybe we should make it another night if you would like. The weather is bad."  My text to that was "Yes or no for you, I'm in. I'm good."  He then wrote "We are on then".  When I got there, my impression was that he wanted to cancel last minute.  He felt that because he had already confirmed the day before that plans were set and I was bailing because I had sent that text four hours prior to confirm.  We both wanted to be there and no one was cancelling but because texting is so confusing each of us got the slightly wrong impression.  Lesson learned, pick up the phone and dial or better yet touch the screen on the cell and press send.  XO!!!!!

My colleagues and I enjoying ourselves together!

"You lack empathy"

my boss said to me as we sat down for my annual review two years ago at the New York Laguardia Airport Marriott.  I was shocked.  I scored high marks in every other part of the review except for this category (I have worked in pharmaceutical sales for the last seven years).  I said to my boss "I don't get it, I return phone calls, texts and e-mails to my counterparts.  I participate at every meeting with my colleagues. I work well as a team member in this district.  I am very respectful to upper-management.  I just don't get it."  He then said, "Orli, I struggled with this category because I know you do all of these things, but i just don't feel like your colleagues feel like you care about them."
   I was very sad when he said that but I immediately began to understand what he was talking about.  I have a competitive nature and I was not taking an interest in my peers.  My boss will never know what a powerful impact that conversation had on me.  I began to change.  At the next meeting I asked my peers what was going with their territories and their personal lives.  It was a wonderful shift and I enjoyed our meetings that much more.
   I also had another thought after that meeting with my boss.  If I was not displaying empathy in the work place then just maybe I was not doing that in my personal life.  I made another shift.  I started asking my friends, family and random people I met along the way more questions and I became more of an active listener (this is also a wonderful skill for dating!).
   Empathy transcends into every aspect of our lives whether it be work, social or personal.  Are you an empathetic person?  I bet the answer would surprise you, if you took a minute or two to think about that question.  You can improve on being a more compassionate person every single day! :)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

"Give yourself the experience of letting go."

  That is what I told my friend today who is constantly struggling to find that perfect relationship.  When he goes out with a person  for a short period of time, and for whatever reason it doesn't work out, he beats himself up.  He is his own worst enemy.  It's really unfortunate that he is so tormented by these short lived relationships because he is such an amazing guy.  He has a fabulous career, he's very attractive, he's smart, outgoing, has a nice circle of friends and has a wonderful family.  I told him that just for today, he should just let this experience wash over instead of replaying in his head, what he could have done to make it work.     
  Letting it just go, believe it or not, gives you strength to be able to say "You know what, it's ok, this one didn't work, but I'm not going to kill myself over it". You can't control how what other people will do or say.  You only have control over yourself. A lot of times when these short  romances don't work out, it's not about you, believe it or not, it's about them sometimes too.  People waste so much precious time and ENERGY with the beat down process after something doesn't work out.
   It's takes six months or longer to get to know someone.  You can not let someones snap judgement of you bring you down because they do not know you.  You also do not know them, and giving them too much credit is dangerous for you because it discredits you.  If you let go once, you can do it again and again and again! The best news is that the quicker you let go, new life, people and experiences rush in that much faster!   xo xo xo xo xo xo

Saturday, October 2, 2010

"You have a good life."

Two people told me that just this week and that is the biggest compliment I could ever receive! Thanks a million trillion!

The NYC cabbies are yelling at me....

for using my credit card to pay for my ride instead of cash from time to time!  It was so cool when they put those swiping devices in the cars (I would say in the last three years).  However, more frequently then not, the cabbies don't want credit cards, they want cash because they have to pay a fee for the credit card.  This is an option I would like to use, so please mean cabbies of NYC do not give me a hard time and please chill!  I always tip! Smooches and Hugz for the angry taxi drivers of New York City. :D

Is the Saturday night date going out of style in NYC?

I think so and actually I know so.  There used to be a time when a man asked you out and it was for Saturday night and it was special to a degree. There was a time where if you were not asked out for Saturday night it meant that a man was not taking you seriously.    Now with women and men having such busy schedules personally and professionally, people are simply just fitting it in where it's convenient for them.  For example, I had plans with my friends the other night, and the man I was supposed to meet had a work event in the evening time. He asked me to meet up for a quick drink before his meeting.  I didn't want to cancel my date with my girlfriends and he certainly could not miss what he had to do, so we just met up at ten pm at a bar near Bryant Park.  This is acceptable now because men and women want to meet up more casually so that there is less pressure.  It's kind of like having the "non-date date".  However, one of my girlfriends does have a Saturday night date tonight with someone that she likes.  I am so excited for her and I hope she has an amazing time.  Maybe from time to time Chivalry can still exist in this city. Maybe it will exist for my friend tonight! :)

Being interested in your own life is your best accessory

and gateway towards inner well being and attracting other people. 

What happens when you take a man off the pedestal....

and you start seeing a man for who he is?  When we are younger we tend to do this more.  It's a nice quality because it shows you have faith and a scary quality because sometimes you don't see a man for who he really is. 
  As you get older you come to a point in your life where you have had experiences and you are more mature and it just gets harder and harder to connect. This can sometimes reveal itself as being cynical but it's just realistic and you should embrace it.   As little girls we have watched Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and there is always a prince charming to sweep his fairytale princess of her feet.  The women who get married at a younger age typically will jump in more and  take her husband off the pedestal later. OY! This is probably the reason why many (not all) people do not stay together, because they don't see each other for who they really are and just really want to be in a relationship.
   So if you make the decision to wait for marriage and begin to see men for who they really are, it becomes also really complex because all that charm and illusion fades.  The good news is that if you wait, you can discover yourself enough to know what you are willing to accept in a partner and what you are not willing to accept. So is it better to get married younger and just deal with the consequences and the cards at hand making it work day after day where it may work  or is it better to go solo where you meet someone later in life and know the compromises you'll have to make up front.  I really don't know!  What I do know is that it's really important never to "lose your girl".  Meaning,  your ability to have faith that you can still be impressed from time to time when someone can really take your breath away!
Just Having Fun on the East Side